To This Day, It Still Bothers Me……

So the other day I went to the gym….. it seems that this always occurs at the gym however it has happened at other public places as well.  I see your eyes…. looking at me…. watching me….. you think that I don’t notice, but I do.  I might be on an elliptical or weight machine….. I might just be walking from one area to another…. and you watch….. your eyes tell me that you are trying to figure out how I manage to do anything……..

Sometimes, I feel you staring……. I wonder what thoughts are going through your head….. I feel like walking up to you to let you know that I play guitar, I ride a motorcycle, I can tie my own shoes…….. but that would be rude.

Maybe I’m imagining that you are looking at my right arm but after being around for so many years, I think that I can tell the difference between a passing glance and  a stare.

As a child, this would make me feel uncomfortable and I would often want to hide.  As an adult, I get  mad.  In a society in which we are expected to be welcoming and tolerant of people from all backgrounds and cultures, why do I sometimes feel like I’m being isolated?

I sometimes want to walk up to you and tell you to take a picture.  Perhaps I have done that to some of you.  My mouth can often say things which perhaps should remain in my head, but when I feel these stares, I feel the need to prove myself.

As we age, there are certain aspects of our lives which remain with us until the end.  Memories – good and bad.  How we treated others and how we were treated.  I don’t want to be seen as the person with 1 hand – I want to be seen as the person.

Those that know me see me as a whole person – some that see me in passing do not share this view.

I only share this in an effort to help you to understand how your eyes can make someone else feel.  Your eyes can have an impact in someone’s day and life.  Your eyes can be remembered or forgotten.  Your eyes can take someone back to an uncomfortable time in their lives and make someone feel insecure and uncomfortable.

My days of wanting to hide are years behind me yet the anger that I feel when you look and judge me remains.  Your eyes are one of the reasons why I share my story – so that when you next see me or someone like me, you see the whole person and treat us no differently than anyone else.

Would you feel comfortable asking me questions?  I always encourage it but would you?

Until next time, thanks for reading!!




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